In the Beginning, I was a Soldier

I joined the Army Reserves when I was 17. I grew up seeing my grandpa in the Army National Guard, and I always wanted to serve. I have always been a patriot. The Army was going to give me what I never had in my life: regimen. I never had problems with authority and I was a fairly self-disciplined person, so I figured I would have no problems in Basic Training. I love America beyond belief. It was a dream come true to serve. When I was sworn in, I knew that I was willing to die for our country.


HELL ON EARTH





No one can prepare you, no matter if they have been there or not, for what happens in Army Basic Training. The mind cannot wrap around what is done to you physically and mentally, unless you are there, and there's no way out. Having the right mindset is key. If you are there for the wrong reasons, you are going to fail. If you don't really want to be there, but you are being forced to because it's either that or go to jail, you will most likely go through training several times. If you think you are going to see the world and get free college, you may not make it. Success in the Army is determined by how strong you are in your mind and heart. Home of the Brave, indeed.



RECEPTION








[I remember seeing this sign from the highway as we were being bussed from St. Louis airport to FLW. I cannot describe the fear I felt at this moment.]



Usually that word implies "feeling welcome, wanted, or taken care of," hahahahaha, in the Army's case, Reception is the place where you are herded and shuffled around in a scary, sterile-looking place, and are subjected to a lot of mass confusion and you learn the Army's motto first hand: HURRY UP AND WAIT. In Reception, you get your shots, your uniforms, your dental and medical exams, and spend a lot of time being scared to death. Lack of sleep after a few days at Reception start off the 9 weeks of exhaustion that are ahead of you.

SHAKEDOWN

I will never look at cattle trucks the same. As soon as we were in-processed and divided up into our platoons, our Drill Sergeants came to Reception to pick us up. They had cattle trucks waiting for us, and we all packed in there like sardines. Of course, we didn't see HER til it was too late. A crazy looking female Drill Sergeant was hiding in the corner of the cattle truck, and she started screaming and cussing worse than any man I had ever heard. Our arrival wasn't received very well. We were told how horrible we were, what low-life pieces of crap we were, how we were civilian scum and didn't deserve to be in her presence. Of course, this is how they do things. The psychology behind military training is: They break you down in order to build you up. We were dropped off at a gym and all around us were Drill Sergeants screaming orders that were foreign to my ears, and descending upon us like a swarm of angry bees. Shakedown is a term where you have to be accountable for everything in your possession, to include your duffel bag, etc., and this occasion usually happens when you are first entering training. You literally have to dump out all of your worldly possessions, and EVERYTHING gets inspected, while the pack of rabid Drill Sergeants stomp around, scream and make you completely confused.

HOME SWEET HOME





Ft. Leonard Wood, Missouri. Soon to be known as "Ft. Lost in the Woods" and "Ft. Misery," was now my new home. After arriving at our company's barracks, we were subjected to insane rituals of running up and down 10 flights of stairs carrying about 80 lbs on our backs, then getting "smoked" outside in extreme heat, and back into the torture chamber inside. [ARMY TERMINOLOGY: Being SMOKED is when you forced into extreme exercise, physical torture of all varieties; mostly in outrageous, uncomfortable, and impossible situations. This would include doing push-ups, flutter kicks, "front, back, go," on pavement, in dirt, and in the rocks, for horribly long lengths of time, usually with someone screaming in your face, as your muscles fail.] Upon returning to our barracks, we thought all was well when the DS sat us down and talked like normal human beings, to give us a sort of "for housekeeping purposes" introduction to Basic Combat Training. We thought, "oh, whew, maybe it's going to be ok." That thought was short lived, and we knew hell had begun when the Drill Sergeant purposely closed all the windows in the classroom and began smoking us again. Mind you it was summer of '96 in Missouri. Does the term "slipping around on tile floor in your own (and others seemingly) sweat" mean anything to you? All of what was happening to us was painful. Tiring. Excruciating. I knew there was a purpose; however, it didn't make "exercise" or "working out" enjoyable or fun the way it is for me now. I had the OMG-a-crazy-man-is-screaming-inches-from-my-face, so I better do it motivation. All I could do was think about when the hell was I going to get out of there and get back home??? After hours of torture, the Drill Sergeants let up. I settled into my bunk as best I could, and prayed for the best. The next 9 weeks would make or break me.




STRIPPED





[this is not my exact bunk, nor is it my photo- I do not take credit for it- but it's very similar to how I lived, and I do believe it was taken at FLW]



In a matter of days, I had lost my identity and freedom. I was dressed just like everyone else in a uniform, and I wasn't allowed to wear makeup or earrings. I had lost my first name, and I was merely a number. I was a no one. Immediately, I realized what I had to do in order to survive. Shut my mouth. Do what I was told. Ask permission for EVERYTHING. Make no move without being told to do so. Implicitly follow instructions. Work as a team member- not an individual. Remain vigilant for the unexpected, and be flexible enough to deal with fast-paced changes. Stay motivated despite exhaustion, pain, weariness, and fear. Eventually having the self-discipline to stand at attention for hours on end, despite wanting to wipe the sweat out of my eyes, because it was my DUTY to do so- THAT came easily.

I had no life or existence beyond what they allowed me to have. I had to earn the right to have respect from the Drill Sergeants. I had nothing other than that which they provided me. I was a civilian learning how to soldier. Drill Sergeants are expert soldiers. They know all. That is the nature of Drill Sergeants. They must be experts in order to teach civilians the ways of soldiering, and in turn, potentially save lives in combat. The respect that they command is beautifully fierce. If you have never met a Drill Sergeant, or been graced by their presence, you are missing out. They are truly outer worldly. Yes, they are still human beings, and have lives outside of our training and barracks, but when you are the one getting trained by them, it's very hard to imagine them at home with the kids! I feared Sgt. Rogers and Sgt. Diaz-de-Leon. I respected them and I hated them. In the end, I came to love them. It took a long time and a whole lot of push-ups later for me to feel that way!! Many people in training were like stubborn and wild horses that had to be broken. Luckily, it didn't take much to break me of my nasty civilian habits and mindset! The trouble with the breaking is, some people can't take it, and it pushes them over the edge. I just found a nice place in the recesses of my mind to retreat to when it got bad. I put on the figurative protective coating on, and kept going.


COMFORTABLY NUMB





[this picture was taken about 30 minutes after we experienced the gas chambers!! I am on the right side, 2nd row up, 3rd person from the right.]





As the days and weeks went on, I truly began to love the regimen, the discipline, the structure, and the consistency of Army living. I became used to being yelled at.[No matter what one did, the DS yelled. Even if you give the right answer to the wrong question, you are WRONG! It's all part of their mind game; their psyche breaking routine.] I became robotic and numb. I found a way to cope with the fear and pain by blocking it out and emotionally detaching, while still taking it all in and thriving. The daily grind became routine. Predictability was not something I was used to in my life. I grew up with chaos and disorganization. Despite the seemingly chaotic manner in which the Drill Sergeants herded us around and used confusion tactics to keep us on our toes, there really was a method to their madness. Waking us up at 2am with a fake fire drill just to make sure we were all following bedtime uniform protocol... a pain in the ass at the moment, yes, but worthwhile to make us realize had we been in a combat situation, we would need to be ready to jump into action at a moment's notice. Getting GIGGED [ARMY TERMINOLOGY: Gigged means getting busted or in trouble for a seemingly tiny or mundane detail] for dust bunnies under our beds or a tiny piece of lint on our uniform seemed to be crazy and asinine. But it served a purpose: PAY ATTENTION TO DETAIL. Finally all the madness made sense. I began to really fit into a rhythm, I knew what was expected of me, and the training was so methodical, I was able to do it in my sleep.




INTESTINAL FORTITUDE

Laying in my bunk at night, I often pondered life, and came to realize all that I took for granted in my "previous life." It was amazing how many walks of life we all came from, how different we all were, and how in the Army your former status and life back home didn't matter there. You could've been a great athlete, a brilliant map reader, or a championship marksman- all great skills that are helpful in the Army, but if you don't have HEART you won't make it in Basic Training. Period. I saw so many people flounder in various aspects of BCT because it just wasn't in their heart to be there, nor were they able to dig deep within themselves to find the strength to carry on. The #1 purpose of BCT is to train and prepare soldiers for combat. You are there for that reason alone. If you were deployed into combat, you must be able to handle the stressful environment in which complete discipline is required. People's lives are dependant on the strength and capabilities of the unit. If you are running through a battle field and suddenly stop because you "can't do it," people could DIE because of you. You have to find the strength- mental and physical- the intestinal fortitude, within yourself to keep going. You must "suck it up," "drive on," and be "good to go," at all times. It "behooves you" to do what you are told without question. If someone decides to be a BLUE FALCON [ARMY TERMINOLOGY: a blue falcon is someone who goes off and does their own thing- an "individual,"] so many lives could be at stake. The Drill Sergeants had an amazing way of talking to us and making us think a whole lot deeper than we ever had before. They had funny terminology and words that came from another planet. Nothing that came out of the DS's mouths were by accident or without purpose. They were always using their authority and position to teach us a lesson. Our lives depended on how well they taught us to survive.

OVERCOME and DRIVE ON

In the end, I made it through hardships and pain. I succeeded. I was transformed from a sloppy civilian to a lean, mean killing machine! If I had to, or was deployed into combat, I knew how to defend myself and my fellow soldiers. I could protect myself from a nerve gas attack. I knew basic combat First Aid, hand-to-hand combat, and I could road march with the best of them. I had pride in my country like never before, and I was willing to die for my fellow man. I knew how to do Drill and Ceremony; I was no longer "back on the block," as they said, I was beginning to look like a soldier. I had completed terrifying obstacle courses, some of which could only be done as a team. I could fire an M-16, a grenade launcher, and a M-60. I knew military protocol, procedure, and chain of command. A serious knee injury in the 3rd week could have stopped me from continuing if I had been a weaker person, but it didn't. A mishap with Sgt. Rogers in the 5th week caused a major setback initially. However, it pushed me to prove to him and myself that I had the heart to be there. The incident I am referring to is very embarrassing, but I feel that in order for this blog to be complete, I must add it:
Picture the setting. It's a hot and dusty day at the shooting range. Sgt. Rogers had been on vacation for a few days and was back just in time to start torturing us at the range. I was in my foxhole and had my earplugs in. My battle buddy was in there with me. Sgt. Rogers was screaming orders at everyone and completely going berserk. (Meanwhile people have loaded weapons, and scarily enough, there were people in training who were *gasp* suicidal.) I turned to my BB and said about Sgt. Rogers, "he's being a dick," forgetting that my ear plugs were in, so I said it very loud, apparently. In about 1.2 seconds, Sgt. Rogers grabbed me by the collar and pulled me out of the foxhole. After a vicious tongue lashing, he decided to make me the butt of every joke within the CADRE [permanent party, people who are stationed at that location, non-trainees], and call me out as many times as possible. That night was the worst experience of my life. He decided to be on CQ [CHARGE OF QUARTERS, the person in charge overnight], so that he could teach me a lesson. He called a meeting and first thing he said was, "Someone lied to me today. Who was it?" Of all things I learned in the Army: DUTY, HONOR, COUNTRY, RESPECT, DISCIPLINE, AND INTEGRITY, I knew lying didn't bode well with anyone. Earlier in the day, after being pulled out of the foxhole, he had asked me what I said about him. I said, "I didn't say anything!" That right there was a lie. So I knew when he asked in that meeting about someone lying to him, he was referring to me. As painful as it was, and as easy as I would have liked to have died right on the spot, I stood up and said, "I did." He was surprised that I had the nerve to confess in front of everyone. He told all my fellow soldiers what I had said. And he proceeded to punish & smoke them while I had to watch. He then made me go to my room and pack all of my stuff, as he told me he was going to send me home dishonorably. I stood before him in shock, but in strong admission of guilt, and did not shed a tear. He asked me, "What do you have to say for yourself?" as my friends were crying and grunting in pain and fear. I had already learned you NEVER, EVER say sorry to a Drill Sergeant, and they don't care if you cry a million tears. You are never supposed to show weakness. They don't want your apology. You are NOTHING to them, remember? I said, "I know I made a mistake, but I want to be here." He was quiet for a minute then he said, "you know what Private? You've got guts. Most of these other Privates would be crying and begging by now, but you stood here and took it. I'm proud of you! Now get your stuff out of here and get out of my face!" Hahahhahahaha- wow. What a shocker and life changing moment that was. By that point in training, I was slacking, not feeling motivated, and dragging ass so to speak. He put the fear of God in me. Or the fear of Drill Sergeants, anyway. He made me realize what I could lose because of a terrible mistake. He gave me the motivation I needed to dig deep and harness the strength within.


"THIS IS MY NOW, AND I AM LIVING IN THE MOMENT" (Jordin Sparks)





Graduation day was the best day of my life up to that point. I had learned so much about myself. If I could complete all the tasks required of me for Army BCT, I could literally do ANYTHING in life. All along, every tiny accomplishment was a huge deal; an accumulation of seemigly impossible tasks, with even more impossible requirements to get them done. Imagine the Amazing Race Military Edition on steroids, where you are expected to fail. That's BCT. They set it up with impossible standards, so that you will always have to reach higher, worker harder, and give it your all.

The morning of graduation, my platoon presented Sgt. Rogers with a plaque that had the words to the "Ballad of the Green Berets" on it, and "Summer '96 Charlie Cougars, 1st Platoon." We all had learned the words to the Green Beret, and we sang it to him. He actually pinched a tear. Unbelievable. He told us we were "FUCKIN HOOAH" (basically we were badass!), and we finally deserved to see the picture he carried around in his front pocket. He had told us at the beginning of training that he carried around a picture of his 1st kill in Panama. He also had told us numerous times that he was so wicked and crazy he could kill us with a blade of grass or his pinky!!! In hindsight, seeing a picture of a dead person sounds crazy, but back then and there, it was perfectly normal, and we were stoked that we had earned the man's respect. He showed it to us. Eek. I can't say what I felt when I saw that picture, because at that point in time, I was pretty emotionally turned off. I was just glad he was treating us like human beings finally. My family drove all the way to Missouri to see me, and my late Grandpa, Ret. SGM Prospero Chavez got to see me graduate as well. Sgt. Rogers came up to me in the barracks and I introduced him to my dad. He turned and looked at me, shook my hand, and said, "Thank you Private." My hands were shaking and my heart was pounding. Finally I found the air in my lungs and I muttered, "Thank you Sergeant." I was so taken aback, I waited until after he walked away to burst into tears and hug my dad. After graduating from Army training, and experiencing the greatest pride of my life, I moved on, became less disciplined, and relaxed too much. I went through my share of problems, including depression, post-Army injuries, and of course, weight gain, which brings me to the beginning of this blog. In 2009, when I began the journey I am still on, I found that once I immersed myself, it was so easy to tap into the discipline I have had all along. I already had the skills to succeed. I learned everything I'll ever need to know in life while I was in the Army.

Setting the Bar Even Higher

I got off work early today, and was able to get started on my bike ride at 5 pm instead of 6. That was a huge motivator! It was 89 degrees, which is a lot cooler than it's been, but still "warm." I have noticed that I am much more tolerant of the heat since breast reduction and now since weight loss. I hit the trail and was determined to beat the rain and my last mileage. With every mile, I felt stronger and stronger; the only reason I stopped at 10.27 miles was because I had to pee! LOL!

Today's stats:

At 1 hour, I had ridden 8.59 miles, and had burned 466 calories
At 1 hour & 12 minutes, I had ridden 10.27 miles and had burned 561 calories
4 hours from when I started riding, I had burned a total of 1103 calories

Today, I burned 100 calories less than Tuesday, which was when I had incorporated weight lifting for 30 min w/HIIT for 30 min. Still, I am going for endurance, stamina, and strength in bike riding as well as continued fat burning and muscle gain, and I am proud I rode for 10 miles! Triathalon training here I come!

Cardio Alone Won't Bring the Numbers

I have been getting into my groove again, as last week I had to miss out on the gym everyday. Frannie joined me on Sunday, and showed her how to lift weights on the machines. We had a great time! Monday and Tuesday I went to the gym, and Wednesday I rode my bike. I noted and documented my mileage & calories burned on Tuesday and Wednesday.

Tuesday I did 2.15 miles of HIIT for 30 min and then lifted weights for 30 min. Wednesday I rode my bike 7.75 miles in 1 hour. Here's where it gets interesting: On Tuesday, I kept my heart rate monitor on a total of 4 hours. After 1 hour I had burned 520 calories. By the 4th hour, I was at 1,272. Wednesday, after 1 hour, I was at 471 calories and by the 3rd hour (when I took it off), I was at 906 calories. So, by not lifting weights, I cheated myself out of burning 200-300 calories!!! (I know there's a differential because of having the HR monitor on for 4 hours one day and 3 hours another, but I'm not that math savvy! The point being, I really burned more by doing less on Tuesday.) I am working towards doing a 20 mile bike ride, so the more miles I do, the better for strength and stamina. But, pure numbers speak the truth. I am reminded by some useful info I got from my friend the bodybuilder: If you wanna lose "weight" do cardio because it burns fat. Weight lifting burns fat and builds muscle, which in turn burns fat. Muscle weighs more than fat and certainly looks better! Sounds like a win-win to me! I have never wanted to be skinny or shapeless. I want to be lightly muscular and toned with a healthy body fat percentage.
I'm on my way!

Perspective

If I'm feeling like I haven't gotten anywhere with my life change~exercise~new way of eating and thinking...all I have to do is look at these pictures.

Derailed....or Just Taking Another Path

As time has gone on through my weight loss and life change, it has become my custom to outdo myself, whether it be the last speed, weight lifted, or distance run/ridden. If I complete 5 miles then I have to do 6 the next time I workout. I'm amazed at my competitiveness; if only competing against the clock and myself.


Thursday was awesome...I rode my bike 8.8 miles!!! I also got too much sun, apparently didn't drink enough water; I ended up with a massive allergy attack, which started feeling like a sinus infection, and razor blades down my throat. I spent the whole day Friday slowly getting sicker and sicker, while busting my butt working at the apartment. By Saturday I was in bed and unable to function. That's very discouraging. I went to the Beauty and the Beast musical on Sunday, but did little else. Today, I am feeling better, and had to take time off from my usual workout schedule this week to GET THE HELL OUT OF THE APARTMENT for good. I have been doing so much at the house and apartment that I am working out anyway! I am sticking to my diet and focusing on next week's gym & bike time. I got the craziest idea and started thinking about doing a Triathlon next year!!! I have never, ever done anything athletic or competitive; I never played sports or tried out for anything, so this is a new idea, and I'm really pondering it. When I was swimming last year, I was doing 50 laps in about 30 minutes. I know I can ride 8 mph on my bike, so the run is the main part that needs major improvement. Doing a triathalon is definitely something to work towards. A new goal.

Now's Not the Time to Panic

I woke up this morning on the proverbial wrong side of the bed. I had a headache. I was grumpy and stressed about money. I told myself despite my worry and stress, being self-destructive will not help. I changed my attitude, made the best of my day, had my "metabolism re boost meal" at lunch; aka McDonald's, and got on the bike right away after work. I rode 7.77 miles!!! I fought the wind, battled uphill and burned over 1,000 calories in an hour! It was great!!! My speedometer clocked me at 24 mph pedaling downhill too!!!!

All I can do is pray and keep myself positive. I know God will see me/us through the hardships and difficulties we have been experiencing w/moving into our house, getting settled, and closing the apartment chapter in our lives. A few stressful weeks remain. I know the road to normalcy is ahead of us!!!

Motivation

Today I weighed in 2 lbs less than Friday when I saw my doctor. That's good news. My monthly water retention bloat seems to be going away. I know water gain is not the same as fat gain. It's just numbers on the scale, but somehow those numbers mess with my head, and can make or break my morale. Today was a really good day. I stuck to my food plan. I drank the much thicker, richer whey protein I'm trying out, and I felt full for the full 2 hours between it and my oatmeal. I went to the gym after work and I lifted weights for 37 minutes. This time, I wrote down all my sets, reps, and weight amounts lifted, and on which machine. That gave me a great sense of accomplishment to see it written down, to know what I did, and to have a baseline for my lifting ability now. This is, of course, something I should have been doing for over a year now, but better late than never! I came home and made dinner...I had protein and complex carbs. I avoided dessert and I drank more water. Then the fun began. I went on a bike ride and was able to track my speed/distance with my new bike computer!! At one point I was pedaling downhill and my speed was 22mph! It was awesome! I finished my bike ride after 5.3 miles. I would have gone another 2 miles, but it was getting dark. It was exhilirating to see my mileage, speed, and distance. It really gave me motivation to keep going. I have noticed now, as well, that my stamina is increasing monumentally. I am able to make it up steep hills without stopping, and my legs are feeling stronger and stronger. Lifting weights and doing low impact cardio on my bike is working my quads as well as my whole body. I can feel it in my arms, shoulders, and chest, as I'm holding on for dear life going downhill so fast!! :)

Let Freedom Ring!

Yesterday was the most glorious of all holidays as far as I am concerned! Independence Day for the United States of America! So many people use it as an excuse to turn seemingly normal family BBQs into pyromania festivals of overindulgence. I, however, stick to the true meaning of what the day is about. I honor our country and I am grateful to live here. I celebrate the day, in 1776, when we became our own nation; free of tyranny, ruling from abroad, and taxation without representation. I also have decided, everyone deserves a day off; a holiday, from exercise and from eating 100% healthy. I enjoyed myself, and our special holiday, with my husband and family, in our new house. Since our national birthday was on a Sunday, most places were closed for Independence Day Observed, today. My office was scheduled to be open up until last Wednedsay when we convinced our boss that it was a bad idea. After last night's party, I was extremely grateful to have today off. I slept in and went to see Eclipse for the 2nd time. Unfortunately, I feel like I have a food hangover, with a really bad headache. Too much salt last night in a lot of rich foods. Happily, I didn't gain a single ounce; not even water retention from carb-related-salt-and-sugar-overload. That's surprising, to be honest. I am feeling a lot better now that Mother Nature graced me with her presence. I know the usual water retention and feeling lower than low depression due to PMS hormones has finally passed; for a few weeks anyway.

A little bit ago, we got a call from the repair shop, and our bikes were ready for pick up- which is a day earlier than we expected. It's still hot out, but as soon as this headache goes away, I'm hitting the pavement. Yesterday, in my 4th of July shopping frenzy, I accidentally purchased Super Mass Gainer Whey Protein, instead of my usual Whey Protein w/Super Recovery Blend; however, it may be just what the doctor ordered to help off-set the "under caloric intake" I am suffering from. It has 310 calories and 24g of protein in 2 scoops, and all the amino acids needed for muscle growth, as well as Biotin and Chromium Picolonate which are things I take anyway.

I am going to start taking a notebook to the gym with me to write down my reps/sets and what weight I am lifting, so I can accurately see muscle growth. I am able to go to the gym daily, and I enjoy riding my bike afterwards if I get home early enough. I am going to throw in a lap swim day this week too. I am trying to avoid over training, but, again OCD and addiction come to mind. There's something to be said about endorphins released during exercise.

Revelation

I forgot to add that in discussing my weight loss with my doctor, I found out I am not consuming enough calories, which would explain why I have seemingly plateaued again. I went through this last May when I was stuck at 175 lbs. I was told by my friend, who's the body builder, if you've created/developed a high metabolism, you are working out fiercely, AND not consuming enough calories, your body begins to think you are STARVING- (LIKE 3RD WORLD COUNTRY STARVING), and won't let you lose weight no matter what you do. I have been eating 1,300-1,400 calories religiously, (except for when I fall off the wagon occasionally), 100g of carbohydrates, and 130g of protein. Apparently, I should be more in the 1,600-1,800 calorie range since I burn over 1,000 just in working out for an hour, and around 1,000 in an 8 hour period at work. Since I occasionally wear my chest strap heart rate monitor at work, I know this is true. The calorie counter app I use on my phone is phenomenal, and it really helps me be accountable and accurate. I scan bar codes found on food, and it pulls up the nutrition data. For other things that don't have labels, I am able to search the database and input what I have eaten. It breaks the day up into breakfast, lunch, dinner, and snacks. I can also put activities into the exercise log, and do daily weigh ins. So, my most recent meals are the following:


1 cup Almond milk, whey protein, 1 tbs almond butter, 1/2 c raspberries
Lower Sugar Instant Oatmeal
1 c coffee
Spring Mix salad, broccoli slaw, low fat ranch, 1 can specialty tuna marinated in lemon dill olive oil
8 oz Voskos plain Greek yogurt, 1/2 c raspberries
1 plum
24 raw almonds

Dinner varies, but usually it is 6 oz of chicken, steak, turkey, or fish. 8 oz or more of spinach or collard greens.

I now need to add more complex carbs to my diet. Upon my research, I have come up with this list of totally acceptable and palatable foods, which I already have and eat, just not enough of:

multi grain bread
oatmeal
sweet potato
brown rice
lentils
asparagus
cabbage
broccoli
brussels sprouts
eggplant
apples
strawberries
pears
carrot
cauliflower
kidney beans
pinto beans
dried apricots

Due to the rise in obesity and diabetes, carbs have been given a bad name, but what people don't realize is the difference between simple carbs and complex carbs. I do understand the difference; however, I have just not been eating enough. Adding calories to my diet is key; complex carbs is the only way to go. "Complex carbohydrates stabilize the blood sugar, keep your energy at an even level, and help you feel satisfied longer after a meal." (www.HowToThinkThin.com)

Feeling a Little Off

For those who have read this post already, I apologize for changing the title, and adding to it. I wrote it after posting my other entries, and it felt a tad cold compared to my initial posts. I think the point in time where my week got thrown off was when I had a spat w/my hubby, and I decided to drown my sorrows in pizza, ice cream and Oreos. And then there was the housekeeper who told me the apartment I have been in the process of moving out of for the last 2 months, is "DIRTY." I guess what I am saying is Aunt Flo, and possible PMDD has really been robbing me of my usual coping skills and enthusiasm (this has only been my feeling since Friday). I also found out my bike will be in the shop for about 5 days. Hubby took it to get a tune up and he bought me an odomoter/spedometer!! I can't wait to get it back, though. The intense bike rides, which I am getting stronger and better at everytime I tackle the uphill climb, and downhill chug, are exhilirating. I love being outside, feeling the sun on my back and the fresh air in my lungs!!

I only worked out 4x so far this week, and my goal is at least 5-6. From what I hear, through my various sources, overtraining is just as bad as not exerising at all, and can cause a lot of damage. It can actually prevent weight loss too, and many times, a break can be a good thing. Now, going to the gym and riding my bike are addictive, and it's hard not to partake. I have a borderline addictive personality, and sadly, I understand and see where the OCD people are coming from on "Obsessed."

Today,I am feeling a lil sluggish and bloated. I saw my doctor on July 2 for my annual physical, and while she was thrilled with my weight loss (I weighed in for her at 154), I am clearly disappointed. I gained weight between January and now, due to major stressors that occurred this year so far. My husband and I bought a house in April and I have occasionally been a little more lenient on my nutrition than I should be- however, it's in spurts. It sometimes seems eating junk is an ingrained coping skill, despite going months feeling and knowing how bad those things are, what damage they do, and not even craving them. I have noticed when I get angry, I crave and want to eat bad stuff. I get sad, I want to eat bad stuff. It's almost like I want to punish myself, because I feel like I'm not good enough (since I haven't reached my weight/body fat percentage goal), so I might as well be bad all the way. I am such a person of habit. I like consistency. I want things to stay the same. I don't do well with change. Unfortunately, since January, all my life has done IS CHANGE. I think, now, things are going to finally settle down and get I'll be able into a regular routine again.

Ce'st la vie.

I know this is a passing feeling, so I am not beating myself up too much. I have a great support system and I am gonna get right back in the saddle.

Finding the Skills to Succeed

No one ever said weight loss was easy, and I am not kidding when I say this has been a journey. I am not even at the end of it yet. I still have daily struggles, spurts of depression that cause me to commit emotion eating, and I still get frustrated and tired of fighting my cravings. But I have seen results. I understand that because I put on 65 lbs of weight in a 10 year period, I am not going to lose it in a few weeks or even a year, like stupid celebrities claim to. I'm a work in progress. I am learning as I go. I have found out so much about myself and that I really do have a lot of strength within.

To those of you I email or tweet a lot, this may sound familiar. I shared this email and decided to copy/paste it here, as it's filled with relevant info and it's the most up-to-date with the eating/exercising that I am doing now.


***************DISCLAIMER............. I am not a nutritionist, a doctor, or a trainer; however, I have found results w/this WAY of eating and thinking, and hope it helps. I have consulted Jillian's books, esp, "MASTERING YOUR METABOLISM," as well as my friend who's a Ph.D. in Exercise Science.


Things to keep in mind:
1. whatever your goal weight is, x10, is how many calories you should eat in a day...NEVER less than 900 calories a day; i.e. I wanna weigh 135, so I try to eat between 1350 and 1400 cals
2. that same goal weight, you should be eating that many GRAMS of protein a day: i.e. 135-140 g of protein for me.
3. less carbs the better, but only to a certain extent--- I think Atkin's was a moron, and there's no GOOD reason healthwise to remove carbs completely.Carbs are necessary to LIVE. In order to build lean muscle, and still be able to function, I only eat 100g of carbs a day. (Recommended daily amt. based on a 2,000 cal a day diet is 300g of carbs a day....that's A LOT unless you are a heavy duty bodybuilder/athlete, and generally, that's the amt a man would need.)---> Michael Phelps ate up to 12,000 calories a day in training, FYI!
4. skipping meals is BAD-- you make your metabolism sluggish and almost non-existent if you don't eat. if you are hungry, you need to eat
5. a small meal every 2-3 hours is ideal
6. drinking at least 10 glasses of water is necessary, esp if you are training hard.
7. when the weight starts to come off, you'll need to add a complex carb to your diet- (whole wheat toast) to add calories and fiber
8. diet sodas are BAD, they slow your metabolism because of all the chemicals in em. water is the only way to go
9. use sugar alternates in moderation; Truvia is the only one now that's made from a plant. The others are chemically processed
10. candy, and "100 cal" things are not good, because they are processed junk that slow your metabolism, and are filled w/carbs and sugar despite being only 100 cal.
11. stay away from "WHITE" stuff: bread, pasta, sugar. They are all icky bad CARBS. They spike your glucose, give you the crash and burn effect, and cause your body to store fat instead of use it as fuel.


My vitamin supplements are as follows:
Biotin: for hair/nail support
Women's Multi Vitamin
Calcium Citrate
Flaxseed Oil: digestive health & fat loss
Papaya Extract: digestive health
B-12 Complex: energy & metabolism
Green Tea Extract: metabolism support
B-12 sublingual lozenge
CLA: Congugated Linoleic Acid: body toning/fat loss
Zyrtec

This is what I eat and when:
7 am. Whey protein shake-- this is important because it has SUPER RECOVERY BLEND in it. This is creatine and L.Glutamine to help prevent after workout soreness, and to help repair muscle tears. 1 scoop of powder, 1/2 c 0% fat milk, 1/2 c blackberries, 1 tsp almond butter, 1 tsp wheat germ
9 am 1/2 c whole grain oatmeal w/ cinnamon & Splenda -OR- 3 hard boiled eggs- (2 egg whites only, 1 w/yolk), 2 pieces of turkey bacon
11 am 1c Oikos PLAIN Greek yogurt w/ 1 tsp wheat germ, 1/2 c blackberries (Using GREEK YOGURT is very important because a lot of other yogurts have up to 20g of sugar in them, 20g of carbs, and little protein. This particular brand is GREAT because it has 23g of protein, and 9g sugar and 9g carbs.)
1 pm spring greens salad w/4 oz grilled chicken and low fat dressing -OR- a can of tuna w/lemon juice, spring greens mixed w/broccoli slaw and a baked sweet potato w/cinnamon
3 pm 1 apple w/ 1tbs almond butter; -OR- 1c cottage cheese w/ 24 raw almonds
5pm GYM.....if I am STARVING, I'll eat a LUNA BAR, but they have about 27g of carbs, and that's A LOT because I am usually already at 100g of carbs by this time.
6pm dinner; usually 6oz chicken breast or tilapia fillet; boiled, or baked, 1-2c of asparagus, broccoli, spinach, or collard greens. Sometimes I'll use a CARB CHOPPER whole wheat tortilla and make a burrito of some sort w/the chicken; I have made low-carb pizza w/whole wheat flat bread. I make my own sauce or buy organic w/o sugar added, and w/o high fructose corn syrup.
It varies...I also eat black beans, red beans, or lentils as the protein source, on their own, or w/chicken & fish. I used to eat a lot of brown rice, but, again, it has a lot of carbs, even though it's a complex carb, I am at the point where I am avoiding them after 6 pm, and trying to stick w/the 100g daily. Your needs might be higher, and honestly, you should consult a doctor just to be sure. You might have other considerations to keep in mind. ALSO, ONE cheat MEAL a week will keep you sane and it REBOOSTS your metabolism.


My exercise regimen is pretty intense. I do HIIT : High Intensity Interval Training: sprinting & walking in intervals on the treadmill for 20 minutes, while changing speeds every 1-2 minutes, Stairmaster speed intervals for 20 minutes, and I lift weights for 20 minutes.
I am now lifting 160 lbs on the squat, 210 on the leg press, 50 on the triceps, 40 on the bench press, and 50 on the pull down. When I first started dieting and exercising in January '09 all I could do was WALK. I walked 1 mile a day until I built up to more. By the time I went on first cruise, I was walking 5 miles in an hour, was down from size 18/20 to a 14, and had lost 25 lbs. By the time I went to the Full Service tour in July, I was in a size 12, and around 165 lbs. By September '09, I was in a size 10. January 2010 I was in an 8 and had officially lost 50 lbs.
Now I am running, sprinting, doing the stairs and lifting heavy weights. Every day that I can go to the gym is a BLESSING, and I thank God for it, because my mom has Multiple Sclerosis, and can't walk. She's paralyzed and immobile. I started working out January 25, 2009, after seeing my grandpa die of heart disease on January 6, 2009. I finally had a wake up call; and it's a good thing too, because my doctor had also recently told me that I was borderline high blood pressure, borderline high cholesterol and pre-diabetic about 6 months prior to that. My ultimate goal was HEALTH not LOOKS. However, in the process, I have become enamored with my results, even though I still have a long way to go. I am less concerned w/ weight per se, now, cuz I am 150lbs, and was 200..I am gaining muscle, which weighs more than fat. I just want to be at a healthy body fat percentage, and be strong.

Now that we moved into our house, I am easily able to access my bike (it was locked up on our tiny patio at the apartment), and am riding miles a day on the trails behind us. I ride bike 3x a week and lift weights 4x a week. I change up the routine a lot so I don't get bored. I keep fluctuating between 145-150 depending on the time of the month, but am comfortably fitting into a size 6/8.

It's Not a Diet- It's a Lifestyle

I was never an overweight child. I was, in fact, called "flaka," which means skinny in Spanish. In high school, I was 135 lbs, and wore a size 9 women's. However, I was extremely big breasted, and was not athletic. In hindsight, if I knew then what I know now, and had the motivation, I could have had a killer body! I know what to do and what to eat, and unfortunately, I am having to get rid of a lot of body fat on top of these muscles that are starting to pop out.
I was in the Army after high school. In 9 weeks of training, I lost maybe 5 lbs, gained a lot of muscle tone, and fit into a size 7. On my time off, away from training, all I could think about was #1, I have money- which I never did living at home, or with my parents, and #2, I am going to eat whatever I want, because I was so deprived at home. I got married after that, and immediately went back into a size 9/11. I was injured in Basic Training, and my knee pain caused a HUGE lack of motivation, and ability to do what I needed to do. As time went on, I was overweight according to the Army, and even missed out on getting an Army Achievement Medal because I was "flagged" for being 10 lbs. over their standard. I got out of the Army Reserves in 2004, and all motivation to attempt to stay in shape was gone. As the years progressed, and so did my depression, I sank into a deeper and deeper hole of despair. I was depressed because I was overweight. So I ate. And I hated myself, and became even more depressed. In 2006 I finally decided to take control of one aspect of my life and I started seeing a therapist. I talked about a lot of my childhood traumas and problems, but when I told her I thought I had an eating disorder, she blew me off. I feel I am right in saying something about her response was due to the fact that my therapist was at least 350 lbs., and to her my 200 lbs. looked small. I can't confirm this, nor can I speculate what she was thinking; however, I did feel shunned when I told her I was not happy with my size, weight, and that I ate for emotional reasons. I had breast reduction surgery in August 2007. That opened up a whole new world of possibilities for me and despite the breasts being smaller, I became very aware of how big my belly was. At that time, and in February 2008 when I had to have a 2nd breast surgery on the left side, I wasn't ready for weight loss yet. My mind wasn't right, so to speak. I didn't have the right motivation. Yet.


Once I got my mind set that I WAS going to "DO THIS," I started out walking after work at the 1 mile track nearby. I was not able to do any more than that. Luckily it was January (2009) because at my weight and fitness level, I wasn't able to tolerate the heat. I bundled up and braced myself for the frigid weather. That 1st mile was so empowering. I was thrilled that I made it. It was hard, it was painful, it was tiring, but I had a new mindset, and I was determined to walk 7x a week. I had made the decision to stop eating fast food, candy, soda, and other things that I knew were my emotional crutches, and face my depression and pain head on with exercise. Two weeks later, while still abiding by my diet plan, and not having had a cheat meal, I had lost 8 pounds!!! I was enthralled! I couldn't believe it. I had NEVER tried to lose weight before, and here it was working.

My goal was to lose 20 lbs by the time I went on the NKOTB cruise in May 2009. I continued the walking everyday, despite the snow, rain, wind, and cold, and sure enough, the pounds were walking themselves off. I rapidly approached the cruise deadline, and in March 2009, I was happily went to the Twilight DVD midnight release wearing a pair of size 16's that had never seen my body in them before! In April 2009 I did the Making Strides for Breast Cancer Walk (5 miles) and did it in just under an hour! May 2009 marked my 31st birthday and I was wearing a size 14!! I had lost 25 lbs just in time for the cruise! I was thrilled!!!! I felt cuter and sexier than I EVER had; I had muscle, tone, and my breasts looked great too, since the surgeries were successful. I had never been happier. On the cruise I ate whatever I wanted, and prior to going, I had consult with my friend who has a Ph.D. in Exercise Science. She told me to have fun, and pick back up where I left off when I returned. She also told me about HIIT and weight lifting, and about proper nutrition. I was doing well with eating NON-JUNK FOOD, but wasn't taking in enough whole foods, protein, carbs, or the right calories for an ultimate weight loss goal that was sustainable. When I got home from the cruise, I was surprised to find out that I had lost 7 lbs! I saw my doctor for my physical a week later! She was astonished to see my weight loss. When I had seen her last, in May 2008, I was 188 lbs. I told her by January 2009, I was 200. When I stepped on her scale in May 2009, I was 169. She asked me all the usual questions: HOW AND WHY? I told her the story I am telling you now. She said *I* was inspiring her right as I spoke. She had about 15 lbs she needed to lose, and felt she was being a bad doctor by preaching to her patients about losing weight, if she didn't do it herself!

After the cruise recovery, I continued walking, and by the time I went to my Las Vegas NKOTB concerts in July 2009, I was wearing a size 12!! That month, my husband and I joined a gym, and I started HIIT-ing it!! I revised my nutrition and really started putting an effort into my exercise. I was swimming up to 50 laps a day, doing water aerobics, walking and jogging on the treadmill, and eventually I built up to lifting weights. The key to my nutrition has been from the start: I eat every 2 hours, starting at 7 am. My metabolism is fast, and I got it that way by "training" it, just like I train my body for long bike rides, running, and swimming. People think dieting is starving themselves and complete deprivation of everything that's good.That's the wrong idea. Diet is a bad word, as well. It's not a diet. It's a lifestyle.
By mid-2009, a new hygienist started working at my office, and lo and behold, I found out she's a serious body builder and had studied weight lifting for 10 years to get where she's at. She started giving me pointers (for free, I might add!) and helped me understand the mechanics of nutrition and exercise. I had reached another plateau and didn't know where to turn to, so she was just what I needed!

I continued with the daily grind. The temptation is endless, but the constant motivation brought on by my grandpa's death is overwhelming.

By September 2009 I was wearing a size 10. I was overwhelmed with joy, and with more motivation to keep it up.

January 2010 marked my 1 year of changing my life. And I fit into a size 8. I touched the scale with 143 lbs, and was astonished at the direction my life had taken.